Published on 7th May 2024
Unveiling the Sense of Longing
Dive into the bittersweet reality of love for Generation Z, where the longing for genuine connection meets the challenges of modern-day romance.
By Josefina Lopez de Romaña
Generation Z has been striving to redefine societal norms around topics like mental health awareness, political activism, and even their approach to one of their most basic human needs: love.
But what does Gen Z know about love?
What used to be receiving love letters in the mail, changed into something low-effort, such as someone swiping up on your Instagram story or simply liking it as a way to express interest. The introduction of the terms ‘hookup culture’, ‘situationships’, and the use of dating apps has shifted Gen Z’s idea of what love can actually look like.
Starting with its biggest culprit: hookup culture. It is a term defined as, “encouraging casual sexual encounters with no room for intimacy.”
Although Gen Z is all here for sexual liberation and expression, this becomes a problem when, “The people who participate in hook-up culture do it out of the fear of missing out, as it is one of the most popular forms of love we have in our generation. But, can we even call it love in the first place?” says Christopher Paiva, an advertising and marketing communications student at the Fashion Institute of Technology.
Admitting to craving or even wanting to experience romantic love is now seen as weak. “Society has pushed this idea of being a girl boss, who can do whatever she wants while not getting emotionally attached, so now it’s weird to want the opposite,” shared Alexa Torrejon, also an AMC student at FIT.
Torrejon highlights how a lack of past romantic experiences can hinder the ability to discern what one truly seeks in a partner. And while some people long and obsess over finding a partner who feels comfortable with vulnerability and being loyal, they end up settling for the first person who crosses their path.
This results in crushed expectations, empty sex, and disappointment, while also losing hope of ever finding true love. Dating apps have intensified the struggle to break free from the pursuit of authentic connections. They offer an endless array of potential matches and the freedom to ghost without repercussions.
“Ghosting is pretty normalized and is something people are okay with because of how they view people as ‘interchangeable’ and I mean it’s true! Especially in a city like New York where people might come for a month, a year, or just for school like me,” expresses Titouan Blanchard, a French exchange student at FIT. “I don’t think that it allows you to even consider starting a serious relationship as it’s almost always a temporary visit.”
Is the uniqueness of each person and connection replaceable?
Torrejon emphasizes that each connection is unique, and trying to replicate it with someone else is futile because everyone’s role and interaction with one are distinct. Instead of seeking replacements, you should prioritize the possibility of forming fresh and improved connections.
“Rather than seeing people as replaceable, the main reason I find myself getting bored so easily is because we live in a time where relationships are extremely superficial,” reveals Keyur Parikh, a fashion business management student at FIT. “When it comes to companionship, you should want to be with someone that makes you feel 110% yourself.”
Dating apps are also affecting the way Gen Z approach and pursue each other in real life. These interactions unfold at a more gradual pace, lacking the immediate gratification of an ‘It’s a match!’ notification that instantly appears on Tinder. There’s also the overwhelming fear of facing rejection in public or being perceived as someone who is constantly dating multiple people simultaneously.
As the dating landscape transitions from traditional face-to-face interactions to predominantly app-based encounters, Gen Z has showcased remarkable creativity in navigating these relationships. From entertaining delusions about the people they are meeting, to the confusion of a situationship, Gen Z has embraced unconventional approaches to dating.
Situationships, as described by Carina Hsieh, former Senior Editor at Cosmopolitan, entail “a hookup with emotional benefits” along with a lack of commitment.
The term ‘situationship’ is used to broadly describe various relationship stages, from the ‘getting to know each other’ stage, where one desires establishing a relationship but fears disrupting the connection, to a lack of commitment from both parties. It also encompasses situations where one individual invests more effort than the other.
In a sense, it’s not all black or white; situationships can be both beneficial and detrimental.
Pop culture has significantly influenced and shaped the perception of relationships. While headlines often focus on whether a couple is getting together or breaking up, it’s rare to witness the small steps that lead to those situations represented in the media.
“No one talks about those in-between moments, which are often the ones that characterize what love is,” states Alejandra Fuertes, a communications student at the Universidad Europea.
Fuertez explains how people forget about the ‘awkward’ stage that most couples go through while entering a relationship, which could be seen as a positive attribute. But in a situationship, these blurred lines would require uncomfortable conversations to clear the air.
“I think situationships can be good as long as they develop into a potential relationship. But the problem is that a lot of people use this term to define a relationship they’re having with someone that is not clear or doesn’t have a bright future,” Paiva states. “This term is also thrown around as an excuse to keep someone around till you find someone more interesting.”
While it’s acceptable to acknowledge not being emotionally available to commit to a relationship, it’s not an excuse to play with somebody’s feelings and lead them on while you are still on the lookout for someone better.
There is discussion about whether situationships truly represent expressions of love or mutual feelings. Fuertez explains how both parties can be in love with each other but not necessarily be ready to enter a relationship. Maybe things just get too complicated, don’t work out, or someone gets ghosted.
Why are we so attached to these specific connections? Could it be because of how hard it is to leave a vicious cycle that offers instant gratification?
“I get stuck by thinking about all of those small, ‘fake’ moments of comfort and vulnerability you have in situationships, where it feels like you are both on the same page,” Torrejon expresses. “We are all longing for stability and the comfort of being in a relationship. People crave and want a relationship, even if it’s not good for them.”
Although Gen Z might not know exactly what love is, maybe that can be the beauty behind it. “You don’t need to be necessarily ready for love. There will be the right person at the right time who will complement and grow with you,” Paiva shares.
The sense of longing for a genuine connection recognizes the human ability to love and the desire to give that love to somebody. It’s essential to take into consideration how Gen Z’s dating environment has evolved, in order to reassess the priorities and standards when seeking or accepting a meaningful connection.
